Corporate lesson 1
 
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one of them should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens
the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a
word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have
on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that? " "It was
Bob, the next door neighbour, " she replies. "Great, " the husband says,
"did he say anything about the $800 he owes me? "
 
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk, in
time with your stakeholders, (and bankers! ) you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
 
Corporate lesson 2
 
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; he
stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him
and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129? " The priest was
flustered and apologised profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.
However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on,
while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun
once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129? " Once again the priest
apologised. "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak. " Arriving at the
convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her
way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further
up, you will find glory. "
 
Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity
 
Corporate Lesson 3
 
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant
three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one. " "Me first! Me
first! " says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world. " Poof! She's gone. In
astonishment, "Me next! Me next! " says the sales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life. " Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up, "
the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two
back in the office after lunch. "
 
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
 
Corporate Lesson 4
 
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you
and do nothing all day long? " The crow answered: "Sure, why not. " So,
the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a
sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
 
Management lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
 
Corporate Lesson 5
 
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy. " "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings? " replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients. " The turkey pecked at a lump
of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night,
there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon after, he
was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
 
Management lesson:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.